This month marks ONE YEAR since we moved to Wyoming – so I guess it’s official – we are Wyomingites!
When I first began thinking about this “milestone” I thought I was going to write about all of the things that I have discovered about Wyoming.
Like I am 97% positive we are the only people in the entire state that do not own at least one truck. We are also in the very small minority of people that do not own a fifth wheel, a side-by-side, four wheeler, or dirt bike.
I’ve learned that Wyomingites are pretty darn proud of being Wyomingites. And there is definitely a feeling of pride for people that have been born and raised here.
I will never forget the very first time we drove into town and Jacob says, “Wyoming mostly looks like the color brown.” Yep. I did not know how painfully true this statement would be. Maybe it is because I spent my early years in the Pacific Northwest, but I cannot tell you how much I yearn for color. It is brown…all year long. I guess there is white during the winter, but oh man, I long for color.
One thing I didn’t really anticipate when thinking about this milestone was the emotions that it would bring up. It was like opening Pandora’s Box this last week. And I am just going to say…it was a whole lot of negativity. I know it’s particularly bad when I have to bring out my physical journal and write about it first, because I know otherwise my feelings will come out way too raw on here.
Let me just start by saying, that I do not hate Wyoming at all. But I must admit, I have a feeling of indifference about it. I have struggled to connect with anyone. And the kids have yet to really make any friends. Most days, I genuinely think we are fine with it all. We are a strong family unit, but I still yearn for some connection outside of the home sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like we are doomed to be wanderers. Every time we feel settled, life seems to uproot us. I want to feel secure in a place. I want to put roots down. I want friendships with depth that last more than a year or two.
I am realizing that I never really “dealt with” our move last year. No one but our Father in Heaven will ever know the thoughts and feelings Mark and I had during those months leading up to our move. We moved at the end of a pregnancy that had been difficult and filled with anxiety {the anxiety was very different from any of my other pregnancies}. I didn’t have anything left in me to feel the move, and I guess it’s just hitting me now.
I miss our friends. I miss our home. I miss our yard. I miss our ward. I miss our street that we lived on. I miss the feeling of “home”.
I realize I am not painting a very happy picture. And I promise this is not a cry for help. I have hope that it will come. Someday we will have that again.
Wyoming has been a huge blessing for Mark and his career. He loves his job and the people he works with. And I am so grateful for that.
And Wyoming is filled with good people. We really haven’t had any negative experiences at all. People have been good and kind and we will get there. And who knows…maybe I will grow to love the color brown.
So Happy 1st Birthday to us – one year as Wyomingites!
