Thoughts on Relief Society

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For the last eighteen months, I was called to serve as Relief Society President in my church congregation. I was released from this responsibility a couple of weeks ago and have been reflecting on that time in my life and the things that I have learned (and hope to continue learning).

I cannot speak to others experiences in this role, but my experience immediately threw me in to some situations that pushed me to the extremes of my “comfort zone”. Within the first month of my call, I went into a home of a woman leaving an abusive situation (which felt somewhat dangerous for me, as well, to get involved), sat at the edge of a hospital bed attempting to give comfort to a woman at the end of her life whom I had never met, helped in coordinating a funeral and prepared and dressed a sweet sister’s body for burial, attended court for the first time, and tried to figure out what I was doing in all the other aspects of my call.

And that was just the first month!

I do not share any of those things to boast in some way of all that I did, but because it is truly remarkable to me that the Lord uses completely ordinary men and women to be His hands here on the earth. I, myself, had no business being in any of those situations. I didn’t know what I was doing. But the Lord did.

And that was the most humbling and wonderful experience to be a part of, to leave situations knowing it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the Lord and that sister.

Being a Relief Society President is demanding. The first couple of months I felt like I was drowning. Any bit of “balance” I had in my life was completely thrown out the window. There were many, many days where I cried feeling like a complete failure in (usually) more than one aspect of my life. There didn’t feel like there was enough time for everything. The other demands on my time and life had not changed, I still homeschooled, I still had two children with extra needs that required a lot of time in therapies and doctor offices, I still had two other children who needed a present mom and are interested in participating in various extra activities, I still was a wife, and I still had friends and family relationships I wanted to maintain.

I got better as time went on, but I attempted to set boundaries. This was hard for me. I wanted people to think I was dependable and, more importantly, loved them. But I felt like my home life was suffering. I decided I wouldn’t look at my phone or answer phone calls during our “school time”. I think the record was having over 80 messages from individuals on my phone after only an hour of not checking. I also tried to limit nights away from my family to only two or three times a week. Most were supportive of my boundaries that I felt like I needed to have, but some weren’t, and that was hard for me.

Luckily, I was blessed to get some wonderful advice from a friend shortly after my call that I have thought about frequently. Christ never ran. He never rushed. And in this fast-paced world that we live in, that feels almost impossible. But with the calling, I tried to remember that there was very rarely a problem that I needed to drop everything in my life to attend to. This was a vital and important shift for me to make in my head.

There were other parts of the calling that were weighty. You get inserted into situations that feel so very heavy and I found it difficult (or impossible) to detach from them. I was ignorant to the many difficult situations that so many are walking through. My heart continues to hurt and pray for so many who are walking through mists of darkness.

Sometimes people are not the kindest. And when you are a strong people pleaser personality, that is hard not to internalize. There were comments given to me early on in my service that still nag at me – I wish they didn’t, but they do. I felt inadequate on my own, but it particularly stung when others shared their views of my inadequacy.

You get to see the best and, sometimes, not the best in others. Another way the Lord stretched me was to put me in situations where conflict existed. I am a flight personality through and through. When even the whisper of conflict is in the air, I leave. If you don’t believe me, just ask any member of my family about the event in the food court during the 2002 Winter Olympics – they love to tell that story 😉

Self-reliance was difficult. I got to see some of the most humble and grateful individuals. But then there were others. Pride is something we all are waging a war against.

While there was a lot of hard, and I have to admit I am not going to miss that, there were so many sweet and incredible experiences. My absolute favorite part of this time in my life was the relationships. I loved the one-on-one. My testimony of ministering has so much more depth than it did before. But even with that, I think it was stronger than I knew, I just didn’t understand ministering before this. We over think it – and I can say that because I over think everything.

Ministering is simply loving. And I hope I did that. I hope people felt loved by me. And more importantly, I really hope I was able to share with them the love the Savior has for them. One thing my Bishop says a lot is that God is in the details. And oh goodness, I loved having a seat to see that in so many people’s lives.

I loved being in sister’s homes. I loved the friendship and sisterhood that could be felt. I loved feeling the love of our Savior for each of them. It is a beautiful and wonderful blessing and where I felt I did the most good.

I had an amazing group of women to work with. I wish we had taken the time to take a picture of us together: Kari, Angela, Ericka, Kali, and Brenda. They were truly the best of the absolute best. They always made me feel supported and always listened and gave insight. I truly will love them forever.

I am amazed at the good women can do. Seeing women and the heavy loads they are carrying serve those around them, with love and kindness, is beautiful.

Another relationship that I am very grateful for was the relationship I had with our Bishop and Elders Quorum President. I love these two men. It makes me emotional to write about, even after it being a couple of weeks. They are such honorable men. I loved us as a trio. I always felt so much love and respect between one another and it was a special experience that I will always cherish. You know that feeling when something is coming to an end, and you already know what a sweet and unique experience it was, and what a beautiful memory it will be to look on? That is how I feel about our trio. I know that experience was something special and it may never be like that again. I am grateful that I could serve with these good men and learn from them. It was one of the greatest blessings of this experience.

I couldn’t share about this time without expressing gratitude for my family. Mark is a gem of a man. He truly is. I mentioned earlier about being naïve about things – one of the most immediate blessings of this calling was realizing how truly blessed I am to have a companion, best friend, and husband like Mark. He has been endlessly patient as I have paced back and forth worrying about someone or a situation and needed to talk things out. He always encouraged and lifted me up when I was feeling inadequate. He is my safe place that I will love forever.

My sweet kiddos. Other than some sighs and groans about me leaving for meetings, they truly were incredibly supportive. I worried about them a lot during this. I worried that they wouldn’t understand why their mom was gone so much. I worried that they would feel some level of resentment for it. But I don’t think they did. I hope that they understood that I did what I did because I love the Lord and want to serve Him. And He asked me to serve Him by serving the sisters and families in our ward family during this time. I am grateful for their understanding and the sacrifices that they made – because they did make a lot. I am very blessed to have these sweet children.

I am grateful for my parents. Even though they live far away, they were so supportive of me (as they always are). Both of them were a great sounding board as I would ask them how they managed situations when they were in leadership positions. I am grateful for their advice.

I am very grateful for this opportunity to love and serve that the Lord gave me. I hope I can build upon the experiences and things I have seen and felt, to better love and serve others wherever I am and in whatever position I may be in.