Quarantine

I have been putting off this post a little bit, and I am sitting here wondering why. I think a big part of it is because I feel like I am all “talked out” about COVID-19 and so I don’t really want to talk about it more. But yet at the same time, Mark and I sit and talk about it daily…you can’t NOT talk about it!

Plus, I know everyone’s emotions about COVID-19 are really heightened and I don’t want to open the floodgate on that.

BUT, my goal in writing this is simple – what we are experiencing right now is unique and something that has effected our life, and I want to remember it and have memories and thoughts written down to share with my family later.

Overall Thoughts

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I feel like the last six weeks have been incredibly long. The strange thing is that the days seem to fly by, they all just seem to merge one into the other with hardly any difference. And yet, it feels like we have been in this situation for a lot longer than six weeks.

My emotions are a bit of a roller coaster. With that said though, I would say it’s a bit of a kiddie roller coaster. I have days when I feel decently high – where I feel peace and faith for the future. But I also have days when I feel lower – things feel heavy and all the uncertainties seem to pile up.

I am grateful that I’ve been able to stay pretty in the middle on my kiddie roller coaster, but it still has not been normal for me.

School

My heart really does go out to everyone that has been thrown into a “school at home” lifestyle. We were able to make the choice to homeschool on our own and it’s been a wonderful overall experience for us. But, at least from what I can tell from social media, it does not seem like it has been very positive for most.

I am grateful that in this aspect our life has remained largely unchanged. We just have kept on going with all of our things. But we definitely have had more days where we will start school later or finish school earlier, or sometimes just skip entire days, because that heaviness is there. And I am okay with doing that. But it’s still hard.

Family Trip

In a little over a week from right now, we were supposed to be leaving to New Jersey for our 2020 Family Vacation. We were so excited for this trip. We always are {and I mean that honest and truly!} but this one did have some added excitement to it.

It was going to be the first time for the kids and I to see the east coast. It was going to be the kid’s first time seeing an ocean. We were going to fly into New York City – another first for us. Plus, all of the normal excitement of experiencing the beauty, culture, and nature of a new state.

We are disappointed.

Mark and I decided pretty early on with all of this that it just wasn’t going to happen. We were so sad. We still are really sad.

In an effort to give us something to look forward, but also be realistic, we have decided to postpone New Jersey {haven’t decided if we will do it next year or put it back in the hat for another year altogether}. We looked at neighboring states that we haven’t visited yet, looked at ones that had smaller communities where the impact of COVID-19 might not be as great, where we could comfortably plan to visit.

We are heading to Nebraska! There were other states that we could have done, but we figured Nebraska is pretty safe with it’s wide open spaces, and this year – we are going to be excited to be anywhere but home for a week!

The kids are excited, we are excited, all will be well.

My heart is still sad though because the New Jersey trip I had planned was going to be pretty amazing. Someday…

Extra Curriculars

We don’t have our kiddos in lots of activities. They are still young and that’s just a family decision we have made. But Sarah has been disappointed to not attend her ballet/tap class every week.

Her dance studio has been doing online dance classes though {and I think it’s amazing they are trying to power through this} but it’s not the same. Luckily, she continues to have her positive attitude about everything and makes the best of the situation.

Jacob was supposed to be starting soccer this week, but that isn’t happening. We haven’t heard any news about anything with that. He might just have to wait for fall.

He was also just starting to do activities with other boys at our church and was really looking forward to those. And so was I – for him! He is excited for those to start again.

Watercoloring

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to learn how to paint. I love the look of watercolor. It is soothing and peaceful to me. The only thing I ever wanted to be {other than a teacher} was an artist. This didn’t last very long, but my appreciation for art has always been strong.

I finally took the plunge and ordered myself paints, brushes, paper – THE WORKS!

It has been amazing for me. It has been a creative outlet where I can escape to and it has been so helpful. And not something just because of COVID but something that I think will stick with me {I hope!} for many more years to come.

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Church

Do you want to know something I have really loved about quarantine though? Church at home. I imagine this could be really difficult for some, but for our family it has been such a sweet and tender blessing.

It is not always “reverent” in the way we usually think of, but there is a reverence that has been added to our home. It is nice to have a slow family breakfast on Sunday morning, and then we all go and get dressed in our Sunday best, and congregate in our living room.

It is sweet to have the kids singing and praying. There is something incredibly wonderful about having Mark be able to prepare, bless, and pass the sacrament to our family. It has made it more personal somehow and just unforgettable.

It has also been beautiful to see the kids really step up. Each week they rotate between doing a talk, sharing a scripture, or reading an article of faith. They have all done such an incredible job and it has been a powerful experience.

Final Thoughts

This time is unlike any other. I go into the grocery store feeling like a bandit. I have a mask covering two-thirds of my face, usually wearing a baseball hat {to hide my clean, but undone hair}, no make up, leggings, zip-up jacket, and aware that everyone is watching everyone else. It is a strange feeling.

This time is hard. And I’ve finally just told myself that whatever it is I am feeling – it’s okay. It’s okay to feel optimistic and faithful one day, and a little anxious the next. There’s nothing “normal” about this situation so I shouldn’t expect my feelings to be normal either.

I don’t know what the future has in store for us – none of us do. I don’t know when this will “end”. I don’t know what the impact will be. And I don’t know how long we will feel that impact. I don’t know if my family will be one that experiences this “sickness” {as my kids call it} first hand.

But I do know, that our Father in Heaven know all of those things. None of this is a surprise to Him. He has a plan. And I know that I feel the most peace in my life, when I give it over to Him. When I stop trying to know it all and simply trust. It is SO much easier said than done, but it is worth my efforts.

Good luck, friends. We are all in this together.