Coronavirus

I debated about whether or not I wanted to make this post public because there is so much out there about this. And to be honest, I don’t want to add to the noise.

HOWEVER, this is a huge event in the world right now and in our lives, and I want to make sure I document for my family how it has affected us and our thoughts surrounding it.

The events and emotions from the last week have been strange and confusing but also peaceful and grounding. It seems strange and impossible but that has been the emotional rollercoaster ride it has been for me.

It felt like everything kind of hit the fan the middle of last week after President Trump spoke to the country. We were asked to practice “social distancing” and schools, events, activities, and church were cancelled. Things got really real really fast.

To be honest, the disease itself doesn’t frighten me too much. Our family is young and healthy and we have no preexisting conditions so we are very low risk. That is not to say that I don’t think this disease is serious and SHOULD be treated seriously. And my heart goes out to the elderly and others with those preexisting conditions that are having to work through this situation.

What does scare me is people’s reactions. The day after President Trump’s announcement, I was talking to my parents on the phone when they told me of some unsettling things that they had witnessed while at Costco. They encouraged me to get whatever shopping I needed because supplies were running low.

I hopped online and placed an order on Costco’s website for what I could order {a lot was sold out or unavailable for online orders}. And then as soon as Mark came home I went to our local Walmart. It was the strangest experience.

There were people with carts loaded to the brim in a daze. No one had any “lists” or anything, it was just mindless shopping…just putting things in your cart without any thought. You would look up and down aisles and see huge empty spaces and it does do something to your mind.

I remember having a moment when I was walking down the soup aisle and I saw only two or three cans left in this wide open space and I thought, “I should grab those.” And then immediately I thought, “Elise! You don’t need those!”.

I didn’t take the cans.

But I think there was something about just seeing that space that makes you think…well…maybe I do need them. It was an odd, weird feeling.

Luckily, we were okay on food and I was feeling mostly okay about our food storage situation at home except for a few things. Diapers and wipes. I was able to grab a box of diapers and grabbed a couple wipes. The formula we need for Lydia is on backorder and I am worried about that. We are on our last tub right now.

I came home and felt like we were prepared and okay to move forward. In the days afterward, there was so much noise. It was hard not to get caught up in it all. We talked to our children about it and it’s so hard for their young minds to know how to react. Even adults don’t know how to react.

Saturday mornings I always go grocery shopping at 6:00 AM. I love this. Usually it is just me and employees unloading freight and it’s very pleasant.

I went down Saturday morning to find Walmart bustling. The employees were scrambling and people’s carts were LOADED. I happened to walk down an aisle with no one in it except a Walmart employee. I asked him how he was managing. He told me he wasn’t.

We ended up talking for several minutes about all of this. It was sad to hear the experiences and things he had seen over the course of the last several days.

And that leads me to my biggest fear. People losing their humanity. It sounds dramatic, but watching that survival mentality of people just looking out for themselves. That is what scares me in these situations. That we forget about love and kindness and how our actions effect those around us {positively or negatively}.

When I got home from the store that morning I told Mark I was not leaving again for another week. I wasn’t scared of being quarantined. To be honest, I am a homebody anyway, and so being home for days on end really doesn’t phase me or my kids. So we hunckered down.

But there were other sad emotions to deal with. The saddest is that of my Grandma. The same day that all of this went crazy, I also found out that she had been put on hospice. My heart broke when I heard it. Not only because of what that means but also because no one was allowed to visit her. The new protocol at her assisted living was that unless someone is “actively dying”, no visitors are allowed.

My heart breaks to think that she is most likely feeling confused and alone. That she might be ending her life thinking that she has been abandoned. That family cannot be there to hold her hand. That is easily the hardest thing of all and continually weighs heavy on my heart.

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling heavy. I like to get up early and do my scripture study before the rest of the house gets up. And after I was done studying, I knelt down to pray.

I prayed to my Father in Heaven telling him how heavy I felt. And asked for the Spirit to guide my thoughts to what my family and I were supposed to learn from all of this. And how we should move forward.

Maybe it is because our family has been studying the restoration the last several weeks to prepare for General Conference, but my thoughts immediately turned to Joseph Smith.

And I thought how he must have felt when he was a young boy. His part of the world felt loud and heavy with the many religions lobbying for members. And he was confused and unable to move forward. And he turned to the Lord. And he was given clarity and peace.

And as my thoughts turned to that moment for Joseph, I could feel my spirit being filled with peace too.

Sunday was a beautiful day for our family…filled with peace and comfort. Mark and I had many conversations about how this was a refining time for us individually, for our family, and as a people.

We are being asked to be still.

I still worry about what the future holds. I worry about my husband at a hospital all day. None of us knows how long this will all last.

But I feel like my spiritual bucket so-to-speak has been filled with peace the last several days. Our Father in Heaven has a plan for each and every one of us. His plan isn’t in chaos right now. It is up to us to trust in Him.