Coloradans

We are moving BACK to Colorado!!!

I have wanted to write this post for almost two years. There are so many thoughts that I want to remember about this entire process that I have kept bottled up for so long. This has been a difficult journey for our family but we are feeling so very grateful and excited about this next chapter!

At first I wanted to keep this post really light and happy (because for the most part that is exactly how we are feeling right now!), but we had to go through a lot of hard to get here. And I think it’s important to remember that – adversity is a great teacher and we have learned a lot.

How It Began

I really have to go back to WHY we came to Rock Springs in the first place. Before Rock Springs, we lived in Garden City, Utah. This place has such a big part of my heart. From living with my grandparents during the summers in college, the relationships I was able to have with my cousins, to meeting and falling in love with Mark. THEN returning here with two little ones of our own, bringing Benjamin into our family, and being pregnant with Lydia. And all of the friends and relationships we were able to have there. Not to mention the goodness which is a small, rural, BEAUTIFUL town. We love it. We thought we had finally found our forever place.

So when we had to move at the beginning of 2019 (also, as I am writing this, I noticed it was exactly this day three years ago that I announced we were moving to Rock Springs) it rocked us to our core. Honestly, we moved to Rock Springs because we had to. I was seven months pregnant and we needed a job and we needed it NOW.

When we told others we were moving to Rock Springs, we got A LOT of negative feedback. That was hard. We didn’t feel strongly that Rock Springs was a long-term place for us, but we knew it was a good place for us at the time and we would just see how it went.

I didn’t really think much about my feelings about living here during the first year. But when we hit the year mark in April of 2020 I all of a sudden had A LOT of feelings about it. And one particular thought really saddened me: I felt that we could leave town right now and there was not a single person I would need/want to tell. I felt like I had made no connections with anyone. It was a really lonely feeling.

So I remember in April of 2020, I brought up for the first time to Mark the idea of moving. It had only been a year, but I just didn’t feel like we were thriving. Mark and I agree almost on everything (which makes things really great!), but we did not on this. Mark really loved his job at the hospital and I could see that. It was BY FAR the happiest Mark had been in his career and I was so happy for him. So we decided to “put a pin in it” and come back to it later.

<<<I feel like I need to add some thoughts here on Rock Springs. We have experienced a lot of kindness during our time here and I don’t feel as lonely as I did at that one year mark. It was comforting to know there was another family in our ward who understood what it felt like to have a special needs kiddo. And she was so kind to offer advice and encouragement along our path. I will always remember how much it meant to me when a nursery leader came and told me how much they wanted Lydia in nursery. I am grateful for the other many teachers our kiddos have had that have really impacted our kids in such a positive way. And I am grateful for those people that reached out and asked how we were, especially on those days when I felt invisible. We have tender feelings as we think about leaving here and will forever be grateful for those people we crossed paths with.>>>

Jacob

Things switched in June of 2020. We got Jacob’s autism diagnosis. During that appointment our developmental specialist had a serious conversation with me. She outlined some really specific things that Jacob needed. I knew the kind of specialized resources she was recommending did not exist where we lived. Finally, I asked her outright if she thought we would be able to get him what he needed where we lived. She told me she did not think so and recommended we consider moving.

This changed everything. I felt so much guilt for Jacob’s very late diagnosis and I didn’t want to waste any more time. I came home and Mark and I talked about everything, including moving. Things had now changed to WANTING to move, to NEEDING to move.

So that is when we began looking for a new job.

Pandemic

One thing Mark knew was that he did not want to go back to retail. He had grown to love the clinical side of pharmacy and wanted to continue working in a hospital setting. I was really supportive of that. But for several months, especially during the beginning of the pandemic, most hospitals were on a hiring freeze. Nothing was happening.

Initially, we were also laser-focused on the Salt Lake City area. It’s interesting looking back, but we just thought it HAD to be Salt Lake. But nothing was happening in Salt Lake for job openings at that time.

Things Get Harder

By the fall/winter of 2020/2021, Mark was having more and more interviews but the whole process was just dragging. The interview/hearing back process would sometimes stretch three months and there is no other word to describe it but EXHAUSTING.

This was probably the hardest season of my entire life. This was the peak of uncertainty with Lydia. And I felt like it was a constant mental battle with the adversary. I mentioned this a little in my post about Lydia, but I truly felt like I had a little devil on my shoulder. My life was consumed with appointments, research, job listings, and nothing was happening. I felt like I was treading water in an ocean during a hurricane. I was going no where and just getting pummeled with endless waves crashing on me.

I felt like I had never prayed harder and felt so distant. And Satan pounced on that every single day. It was a constant flow of negative thoughts being pushed on me, “He has abandoned you.” “He doesn’t care about how hard it is.” And possibly the worst one of all, “He’s done this to your children.”

It was a dark place. All I can say more is it was draining in every way possible. I knew it wasn’t true. But it is so hard living that reality day in and day out with no relief from it.

In March of 2021, I felt like I kind of hit my rock bottom. I went on a drive one night, after every one was asleep. I had no where to go. And I eventually made it to a church parking lot and I cried and prayed it out for a long time. And honestly, I felt nothing. I felt numb.

Refining

Things kind of went like that for awhile. It just felt like one hit after another. We were told in the spring of 2021 that the only way we were going to get a job in a hospital in a city was for Mark to get board certified. This involves a really intense test with a LOT of preparation involved. And to add to this, this test is only offered twice a year, the spring and fall. Which meant, it would be fall before he could even take it – and we didn’t know if he would be ready to take it by then.

That summer though, things started to change for me. Once we had Lydia’s diagnosis, I felt like I could put more of my energy there which was helpful.

But the really important change I noticed towards the end of summer. Nothing had actually changed in our situation, but me. I had kept telling the Lord, “I know thou has a plan for us.” “I trust thee.” All of the things. But I didn’t. Not really. For over a year, I had basically been telling the Lord what I thought was the plan and just praying for Him to accept MY plan.

But things were different now. And I can’t tell you how encouraging it was to actually, maybe for the first time in my life, really believe the words, “not my will, but thine.” To finally, genuinely, let go of it all. To say, “okay, take it.” AND MEAN IT.

I felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.

And things only got better. A couple months ago, I heard a story about Sister Wendy Nelson before she married President Nelson. She was house hunting and thought she had found her dream home. She asked a friend to come with her to look at the house. Once they left, they were sitting in the car, and Sister Nelson asked her friend if she would say a prayer that she could get the house.

So her friend said a prayer. But in the prayer, she asked the Lord that Wendy could get the home, “or something better.”

This story has left a powerful impression on me and really changed my prayers. Now when job opportunities would present themselves I would pray for it to work out, “or something better”. And instead of spiraling when things wouldn’t work out (like I had the whole year before), I felt peace when things didn’t work out. Because that meant that something better was waiting for us.

And something has.

Colorado

I can’t tell you how many places we have seriously considered moving to. We had even just pulled up a map of the United States and looked where temples were and just gone off from that. But finally, we just put it in the hands of the Lord. And we trusted that where it would work out, was the right place for us.

And we are so excited to share that Mark has accepted a position as a clinical pharmacist in Greeley, Colorado!

We are so excited. Like, really, really, really, excited! Colorado really checks all of the boxes – big and small – except for one, being close to family. We are sad to put more distance between our families. Thank goodness for technology that helps us feel closer. But we found tickets from Salt Lake to Denver for $48 the other night, which is less than a tank of gas, so…we are really hoping for some visitors!

So Much Good

So can I just take some time to share all of the really valid and maybe a little silly reasons we are excited to move to northern Colorado? Okay, here we go (in no particular order):

• Medical: This is definitely the biggest PLUS to moving to Colorado. Each state varies widely in how they handle disability. Waivers and other aids can take over ten years in some places (I am looking at you Utah!). Colorado has a wait list of 30-60 days! They also have a really great program, where I can essentially get certified to be Lydia’s full-time nurse and do all of the things I already do and get a little extra income for our family. ALSO, the Rett Clinic (one of only twelve in the nation), is located in Denver. So doctors that really know Rett Syndrome can be an active part of her healthcare. AND every service that we have been hoping for Jacob is there – yay!
• Job: Not only is Mark’s job in a hospital, working as a clinical pharmacist, but his schedule is pretty awesome. He will be working nights, seven days on, seven days off. Mark is a total night owl (I would wither away in this job!) so we both feel like he will handle this fine for right now. But the good part is he will always be home during the day! Granted, I realize he will need to sleep when he is working, but he will still BE there. That means that I can take Lydia to a therapy or appointment without taking all of the kiddos with me! Also, this schedule doesn’t change, so instead of finding out what his schedule is for the next month the day before the next month starts, we can actually plan appointments and things with a lot more intention. WOOT!
• Temple: One thing that has been pressing on my mind for the last several years is that our family needed to be closer to a temple. Right now we are two hours away from our temple. Especially, now that our kiddos are getting older and will be able to enter the temple in a few short years, I want them to BE in the temple as much as possible. Plus, Mark and I can go to the temple on a regular basis.
• Shopping: I am not a shopper. I have done 100% of my Christmas shopping online for the last several years. I am not someone that just likes to browse. However, I am pretty jazzed about being close to three stores in particular: Costco, Target, and Hobby Lobby. Oh how I have missed you!
• Seasons: Since we were looking at various places throughout the country, I am really grateful we are moving to a place that still experiences all the seasons. It may sound silly, but it’s important to me. And I am really grateful for that.
• Fun Things to Do: Another thing that has weighed more and more on Mark and I the last year or two was that we really want to expose our children to GOOD entertainment. We are so excited to be in an area where we can take them to the symphony, theater, museums, etc.
• Color: I just have to say it. I will not miss the various shades of brown which is southwestern Wyoming. I am so excited for some mountains and green. And also, a little less wind.
• Sports: Denver is FULL of sporting events! Mark is pretty excited to go to some games!
• A Little Bit Country: Mark grew up in a rural area and I have completely embraced rural life. If it were up to me, I would live on thirty acres of wooded area as a total recluse in the mountains. As long as I have an internet connection and Amazon prime capabilities, I am good! However, our kids need something different. That was a hard part, especially at the beginning, that Mark and I had to accept – was that we had to be close to a city to have the resources our kiddos need. Greeley area I think could be really great for us, because we are an hour from Denver but there is still rural areas around.

So much good awaits us there. I really believe that. One of the biggest yearnings of my heart has been to put down roots. And that is exactly what we are planning on doing. We are going to Colorado with the intent of this being our place. And we couldn’t be more thrilled. We are excited for this new chapter. We are excited for all of the possibilities that await us. And we are grateful for everyone that has supported us along the way.